Real Time: Living with Type 1 diabetes
"WHAT LIES BEFORE US AND WHAT LIES BEHIND US ARE TINY MATTERS COMPARED TO WHAT LIES WITHIN US."
- RALPH WALDO EMERSON
I am writing this blog for you... and me because recently my "what lies within" has been changing. And while it's scary and bittersweet, I hope sharing some real-time stories will provide another space to comfort, amuse or connect along the path. You are not alone; take heart.
At 36 I was diagnosed with Type I diabetes.
I don't know what phase of grief or processing I'm in. I know my emotions overlap and that I call the doctor a lot. I know that 'change is good' and that it's something I can 'count on'. And that if change helps us grow my head is about to create a skylight.
At least that's what it feels like now.
Sunday in the Park with Mom
My real-time story starts after a simple day of canceling company and packing everyone into "Little Greenie" (a 2015 Chevy Cruze) for an afternoon at the park.
I try to be a cool mom that doesn't just play "ice cream store" so I participated in climbing things, going down a couple slides, and pretending to be a "monster"- running with bent knees and growling while the kids shriek and laugh and generally run faster than me.
That day a simple game revealed how things had changed.
My blood sugar was dropping and I didn't have anything with me to fix it.
Hustling a 2 and 5-year-old away from the park after a mere twenty minutes is hard enough without making it into a panic. But, I was new to this. And possibly in denial that things were different. As my husband helped us get into the car, the rest of us were tearful. This was not what we had planned.
This is different. This is new. It's going to take some time to get used to, and that's okay. This is one scenario in which I was forced to grow. I'm working on accepting the truth. I'm working on playing at the park.